


The Only One My Arms Could Ever Hold

by GentlyMorbid



Series: Secrets of the Full Moon [2]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Does Barriss count as a character even though she's unconscious the whole time?, F/F, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 23:10:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20732267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlyMorbid/pseuds/GentlyMorbid
Summary: Ahsoka and Luminara worry about Barriss





	The Only One My Arms Could Ever Hold

Ahsoka and Luminara had stayed up all night and into the early hours of the morning, unable to sleep. Luminara had failed to persuade Ahsoka to rest in Barriss’ room, but as a compromise, Ahsoka had stationed herself on the couch, in case she did eventually fall asleep, though it seemed unlikely.

In the meantime, Luminara was busying herself with household tasks, trying to distract herself and work through her stress. Ahsoka had found after asking why Luminara was staying up with her. Evidently, it was a normal part of her own full moon routine.

Even several hours after her discovery, Ahsoka was still finding it difficult to wrap her head around the fact that her girlfriend was a _werewolf_, that she had even transformed _in front_ of her.

Most of her was disgusted and terrified, and rightly so. It was horrifying and heart-breaking, witnessing what Barriss had to suffer through every month.

Ahsoka tried to ignore and silence the _other_ part of her. The one that wasn’t so disgusted. The very _small_ part of her that was utterly _fascinated _by what she had seen.

Ahsoka might have even gone so far as to say she found the transformation to be _beautiful_, if the mere thought hadn’t filled her with immense shame. She tried not to think about it, but she was already beginning to hate herself for it. She wasn’t about to make Barriss and Luminara hate her as well, by confiding this to them.

Every so often, she would be startled out of her reverie by howls emanating from the basement, and she would shiver involuntarily at the sound. It creeped her out, but it also saddened her deeply.

Ahsoka tried replaying Barriss transforming over and over in her head, hoping it would eventually become, to her, just a scene out of a horror film. No matter how much she tried, however, it hurt her just as much to relive it as the first time.

She didn’t think it would be possible to desensitise herself to this, as much as she wanted it to happen. The reality hurt too much.

Ahsoka felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Luminara’s concerned face. “In a few hours, the moon will set and Barriss will change back. I’ll bring her back up here and take her to bed,” Luminara explained.

Ahsoka spoke. “Do you… do you think I could come with you? Just in case you needed help?”

Luminara looked a bit apprehensive at Ahsoka’s suggestion, but then, taking in her downcast appearance, she nodded. “You may help me bring Barriss upstairs. But you have to wait before I tell you to come down.”

At Ahsoka’s rapid nodding, Luminara added, “I’ll let you know when it’s time, then, Ahsoka. Try rest until then, if you can.”

Luminara walked away. Ahsoka fidgeted on the couch for a while, before settling into a comfortable position and sighing. She _was_ starting to feel a little tired. Maybe a nap would do her some good.

Her eyes became heavy, but she lacked energy to keep them open. Ahsoka was asleep within half a minute.

Luminara observed this with a sad smile. Ahsoka had been through hell tonight, and she deserved a bit of respite. How long that would last, however, Luminara could not say.

She thought briefly about letting Ahsoka continue sleeping while she went to retrieve Barriss but knew that Ahsoka would want to be awake to help and Luminara did not want to upset her any more than she already had been.

Three hours passed slowly. Light began to shine through the windows of the house, as the moon started to set.

Luminara made her way past Ahsoka’s sleeping form, pushing the bookshelf aside and starting down the stairs to the basement.

Faint howling could be heard as Luminara progressed, becoming louder and louder until the howls stopped and were replaced by the sound of screaming.

Mercifully, the screaming stopped shortly afterwards and there was silence once more.

Luminara proceeded back up the steps to the living room, confident that Barriss had transformed back now and there was no danger.

Ahsoka was still sleeping right where Luminara had left her, waking up slowly when Luminara began calling her name.

Rubbing her eyes, Ahsoka yawned. “Is it time now?”

Luminara nodded in response. Finding a new reserve of energy, Ahsoka stood up, before the two women took the stairs down to the basement together.

As they got to the basement door, Ahsoka started shaking. “I’m really nervous,” she told Luminara.

“It’s natural to be nervous at a time like this, Ahsoka,” Luminara reassured her. “Don’t worry, there’s no danger.”

Ahsoka took a deep breath to steel herself, before nodding at Luminara to open the door.

As light flooded into their view, they saw that Barriss was lying close by, unconscious.

Luminara strode forward, kneeling beside Barriss’ body to gently roll her daughter over. She gasped as she saw blood seeping from the gashes in Barriss’ face but offered no further reaction.

Ahsoka lingered at Luminara’s shoulder, hesitantly. “She… Barriss did that to herself w-while she was t-transforming.”

Luminara could feel her heart break into pieces, but knew she had to be strong for Ahsoka.

“It’s not uncommon for Barriss to injure herself when she changes,” Luminara explained. “She’ll heal quite quickly, but it seems that reverting back to human form reopened the wounds. I’ll clean them once we get her upstairs.”

Positioning herself near Barriss’ head, Luminara got down to business. “Ahsoka, I will need you to lift her legs. I will take her arms. We must be careful not to injure her further. Her body is very prone to bruising after transforming.”

Nodding, Ahsoka gently took hold of Barriss’ legs and waited for Luminara’s signal to lift.

Ahsoka was quite physically strong and often picked Barriss up just to show off. Barriss would always laugh and protest to be put down, but Ahsoka knew she enjoyed it as much as she pretended not to.

Lifting Barriss now was no different, but Ahsoka was struck by how lifeless Barriss felt. Ahsoka might have thought she was dead, if it weren’t for the slight rise and fall of her chest that indicated her breathing.

Focusing on the task at hand, she manoeuvred herself so that she and Luminara could very carefully carry Barriss up the stairs and lay her down gently on the couch.

Once Barriss was secure, Ahsoka went to find a blanket to drape over Barriss’ body, while Luminara got out her first aid kit.

Barriss didn’t even stir when Luminara started to gently disinfect and clean the gashes. Ahsoka felt silly even asking, but was curious, nonetheless. “Is she always out for long?”

Luminara replied, still tenderly wiping Barriss’ wounds, “Every so often, she’s able to wake up easily, but most months, she’s unconscious for hours, if not a day or two. The transformation completely exhausts her.”

Ahsoka grimaced. “I really hope she’ll be okay.”

Luminara stopped what she was doing to smile at Ahsoka. “Our Barriss is a strong one. She’ll pull through. You’ll see.”

**Author's Note:**

> This "missing scene" takes place between chapters 3 and 4 of "Barriss Offee, Werewolf". 
> 
> The title was inspired by the song "Blue Moon" because I was looking up a lot of songs with "moon" in the title or anything that made me think of werewolves :P


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